Malice of Four Thoughts

Driving my granddaughter home from church tonight I saw a marquee at the corner drug store that read “HINI SHOTS, $15.00”.

My first thought was, “If hiney shots are fifteen bucks, I wonder how much shots in the arm are.” My second thought was, “They misspelled hiney. It’s not H-i-n-i… it’s H-i-n-e-y."

My third thought was, “Oh…that doesn’t say hiney, it says H-1-N-1”. You know - what we used to call swine flu, until the pig farmers got upset because people were thinking you could catch it from eating a ham sandwich.

My fourth thought was, “I never got one of those shots. I wonder if I should.” See, I heard that if you caught it back in the 70’s when swine flu was making its last appearance, you may be immune now. And I remember being pretty sick back in the 70’s. But then, I was doing some things in the 70’s that can make a guy pretty sick. And to quote Forrest Gump, “That’s all I’ve got to say about thayat!”

My wife Stephanie struggled with a bout of the swine flu a couple of months ago, and I tended to her needs. You’d think if I was going to catch it, it would have back then. So I figure I’m good to go in the flu department.

But then again, for fifteen bucks, you’re better safe than sorry. So I was just about to decide in favor of getting that shot, when I saw another sign. Across the street from the corner drugstore is the corner convenience store. Their sign reads “Hotdog meal, $2.00”. You mean to tell me, for the cost of a flu shot I could kill 7 ½ hotdog meals?

But then it dawned on me – aren’t hotdogs made out of swine? I better get that shot first, just in case.

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