Showing posts with label Sad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sad. Show all posts

Friday, August 21, 2015

About Stephanie - a note to the recipients of her gifts of life!

I met Stephanie when she was 25 and I was 45.  See, I had always run with a bit younger crowd, and she enjoyed hanging with an older crowd.  I was just amazed such a beautiful and vivacious lady would show an interest in me.  That was Memorial Day weekend, 2002.  We fell in love dancing to Country music, and drove to Vegas in my convertible Camaro to get married over Labor Day.

From the beginning Stephanie told me her health wasn’t great, and that I would outlive her.  I passed that off as the babblings of a somewhat immature girl, but she persisted with this notion all the thirteen years I knew her.  And by the way, I soon realized she was anything but immature.  Stephie had a congenital deformity of her heart from birth, and I think she expected to die from that.  In truth, she just had a very weak body hidden behind a hardened steel constitution!

Stephie started having severe migraine headaches, and they found a cyst in her brain.  We were scheduled to go to a neurosurgeon in July, but she died in June.  A few weeks before she died, Stephie sat down and wrote out her wishes.  In that letter to me, she wrote that she wanted her body to be used in any and every way possible to benefit others!  See, Stephie was a recipient of donor bone for a spinal fusion, and wanted to give back.  But she would have wanted to anyway.   Stephie was just a giver and a lover of everyone and everything!

As Stephie collapsed in my arms on that last day we had together, she whispered her last words to me, “You know I love you!”  Stephanie would want you to know, and her son and I want you to know, that you must not feel guilty for benefiting from her death.  She didn’t die to donate her organs.  She died because she was mortal, as we all are.  She was just excited that, should she die, she could continue to show her love after her death by giving of herself to the benefit of others.

Stephanie loved to crochet and made afghans as gifts.  She scrapbooked, and had “scrapping parties” with friends at our home.  She loved to adopt rescue dogs, and we had a houseful!  She liked to say she had a love affair with books, and she owned hundreds of them.  She loved slot machines and the Atlanta Braves – and she loved to dance.  In fact, in the middle of Wal-Mart, at a restaurant or in our own living room, if a waltz came on, we would drop what we were doing and dance right there where we stood!

So her son and I ask that you rejoice with us.  Rejoice that Stephie is no longer in pain, but dancing with her Lord.  Rejoice that hers was a special life, and that even though she died young, while she lived she truly LIVED!  And finally, let us rejoice with you that her final gift gave you a new chance to LIVE your life.

And if you don’t know how to dance, please learn!  Stephie would want it that way.

Sincerely Yours!


(Photo from the dinner show "The Soprano's Last Supper" in Las Vegas, 2006)

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

The Token Agnostic

Sadness Man In The Shadow by George Hodan
in the public domain
A few days ago a friend told me of her 'token agnostic' friend.  She said he declared himself an agnostic when his wife died.  "I can't believe in a God that would let my wife die so young and before her time," I believe is how he put it.  Then my friend offered her observation that the untimely death of a spouse seems to either drive someone far away from God or draw them much closer to God.  Truer words were never spoken.

While many would offer this man sympathy for the loss of his wife, fewer can offer true empathy.  Surely one would have to suffer a similar tragedy to truly understand what a man goes through when he experiences such great loss.  But I now find myself in the place where I am uniquely qualified to sit down with this self-declared agnostic, and with a heart of compassion and understanding, explain to him why his wife passed from this Earth.


Such a great and tragic loss could have driven me far from God...


If you do not know me or have not seen me for a while, you may not know that I buried my dear wife, Stephanie in June 2015.  She was only 38 years of age and her death was unexpected.  And I would venture to say that few couples loved as intensely or cared as deeply for each other as Stephie and me.  Besides being spouses and lovers, we were truly best of friends!  And such a great and tragic loss could have driven me far from a God who would let a wonderful person die at such a young age.  Or, I could find myself running into the arms of a loving and compassionate God to find grace and peace at the most desperate time of my life.

It is true that I grew up attending church and have served in the ministry.  But it was not my ‘religious’ background that drove me toward God in my time of need.  Rather, it was the very need itself; a crushing and devastating loss from which I knew not how to recover.  Had it not been for a loving Heavenly Father, I would not have been able to face that horrible day, or the days, weeks and months to follow.  And it is God and God alone who has given me the peace to move forward with life.  And not only move forward, but continue on with hope and expectation of a wonderful life.  See, while I do not know what tomorrow holds, I do know who holds tomorrow.  And I know He loves me and has a plan for my life… STILL!

And so, having presented my unique qualifications, I now offer an answer to this self-proclaimed agnostic’s question of why his wife died.   Sir, your wife died because she was mortal.  Likewise, you and I are mortal, and will follow our dear wives in death.  In the Bible a very wise man known as the Apostle Paul said, “This mortal shall put on immortality.”  He went on to say that when this happens, then DEATH IS SWALLOWED UP IN VICTORY!  You can read this for yourself in 1 Corinthians 15:54.

The truth I wish to share with you, Sir, is that your wife and my Stephie are not really dead.  Not really.  Oh, they are no longer mortal, and walking with us on this Earth.  But their death – the death we witnessed and mourned – was swallowed up in victory!  At least if they knew Jesus Christ as their Savior it was.  I know Stephie knew Jesus.  I pray your wife did also.    And I pray you also would come to know Jesus, so you too can one day see your mortality swallowed up in victory!

Come on, my friend.  Let’s run to God together!

Thursday, September 25, 2014

On the Field of Battle - The Story of a Father and Three Sons


Helena Arkansas was a town on the Mississippi River, about 50 miles south of Memphis and 100 miles southeast of Little Rock (as the crow flies). Helena was a town of wealth, and a major port on the river. In 1862 the Union Army marched in Helena without opposition, and fortified the town for occupation.

On July 4, 1863 the Confederate army executed an attack on Helena. Under the impression that most of the Union forces in Helena had been relocated to join General Grant in the Vicksburg campaign, they thought the recapture of Helena would be successful. They split forces into three, attacking at dawn from three different directions.

But two things thwarted their plan. First, the Union army had not reduced troops in Helena as they had thought – at least not to the point of weakening it. And second, the Union soldiers had felled trees along all the passages into town. This prevented the Confederates from moving their wagons or artillery up the ridge.


A father first loves his son, then tries to understand him. But war provides no answers...


The siege on Helena was a dismal failure. Of the 7,646 Confederate soldiers who marched into the July 4th battle, 173 were killed, 687 wounded and 776 missing; a total of 1,636 men. The Union side fared much better. Of the 4,129 Union soldiers engaged, 57 were killed, 127 wounded and 36 missing; total casualties of 220.

Amos Pitts was the first born son of Levi and Elizabeth Pitts of Clarksville, Arkansas. Amos was born and raised in the USA – specifically in the state of Arkansas. But when Amos was 18 years old the State of Arkansas declared its succession from the Union and became a part of the Confederate States of America – which was at war with the United States of America.

So Amos Pitts enlisted in the Confederate army; specifically Company I, Arkansas 35th Infantry Regiment. The 35th was among those who marched on Helena, and Amos F. Pitts was among those brave Confederate soldiers who fought on that hot July day. And on that day, July 4th, 1863, Private Amos F. Pitts was counted among the 173 Confederate souls who perished on the field of battle.

While Arkansas was a southern state and a part of the Confederacy, being of the “upper south” many of its populace were not keen on the succession, and clung to their unionist sympathies. Arkansas was truly a state where brother was pitted against brother.

With Helena as its base of operations, the Little Rock Campaign was launched. The fall of Vicksburg had freed up thousands of Union troops, and 6,000 infantry were dispatched for the purpose of capturing Little Rock. In September 1863 Maj. Gen. Fredrick Steele’s Union army marched into Little Rock and accepted the surrender of the city. Along the way he lost only 137 men. And having a strong Union presence in Arkansas, and with many of the locals sympathetic to the North, the Union army established several regiments in the state.

Perhaps Levi Pitts of Clarksville, Arkansas pitied his firstborn son Amos for having given his life for the wrong cause. A father first loves his son, then tries to understand him. But war provides no answers – much less, logic, and now this son was lost forever. But Levi had other sons, and his influence over those boys was strong. And so it was that, on the 13th day of January, 1864, Levi Pitts, at the age of 45 left his wife Elizabeth behind to watch over the five youngest kids, and enlisted as a private in the UNION army - 2nd Arkansas Infantry Regiment, Company H. And he was joined by his sons, Hiram K. Pitts, age 21, and Elijah D. Pitts, age 19, who both enlisted in that same Regiment on that same day.

The military operations during the initial days of July 1864 consisted primarily of scouting parties for the Union. On July 9, 1864, Colonel James Stuart dispatched one lieutenant and twenty men from the Tenth Illinois Cavalry Volunteers to scout the area from Huntersville - present-day North Little Rock  - to Little Rock. The Union forces came across a small Confederate party twenty miles north of the city, taking one prisoner and wounding/killing four (the total is unclear in the official records). 

Skirmishes like this one broke out around the periphery of Little Rock following its fall to Union forces in September 1863. At times, the commanding officers of Confederate and Union forces fighting in these skirmishes knew little about their opponent, as evidenced by the official reports.
 - www.encyclopediaofarkansas.net 

On September 20, 1864 at Huntersville, AR (now North Little Rock) Levi Pitts fell, apparently killed by skirmishers loyal to the Confederacy. Then, on December 8, 1864, again at Huntersville, young Elijah Pitts followed his father in death, in like manner.

Of this father and three brothers, only one survived that awful war; Hiram K. Pitts. Hiram went on to marry, and had a daughter they named Lura Lea. Lura Lea Pitts became Lura Lea Kepler when she married my grandfather, John Franklin Kepler.

I lost my 2nd great grandfather Levi Pitts, and two great grand uncles, Amos and Elijah Pitts to the Civil War. In fact, most of us have ancestors whose lives were forever changed by that war. And while my family tree holds others who served, this father and two sons paid what Lincoln called “the last full measure of devotion.”



Sources: 
http://deltabridgeproject.com/assets/Civil-War-Helena-Part-2-History.pdf 
http://couchgenweb.com/civilwar/2arcoh.htm 
http://www.civilwararchive.com/Unreghst/unartr.htm 
http://www.encyclopediaofarkansas.net/encyclopedia 
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arkansas_in_the_American_Civil_War 
http://www.ancestry.com 

Illustration: Sherman at Atlanta, by George N. Barnard (in the public domain)

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

White Paper

Image courtesy of Michal Marcol at FreeDigitalPhotos.net
Last evening I was digging through some old papers and came across something from my past; something I thought was lost forever.

In January 1996 my friend Pastor Ken Wood headed up the Oklahoma City office of the Christian Coalition.  The "CC" was active in the political realm, distributing voter guides, promoting Christian values and fighting for Christian-Friendly legislation.  Ken asked me to do some research on divorce for a bill before the Oklahoma State House.

I thought I would share this with you.  What follows is the white paper I put together for Ken, who then distributed it to Representatives up at the State House.

 


You may be surprised who really makes our laws!


In Support of House Bill 2554 
Dear Friend:

With the onset of "no-fault" divorce in the 1960s, our Nation embarked upon a trend toward quick and easy divorces; a trend that swept through Oklahoma in 1971. Although Oklahoma law does not have a statutory provision entitled "no-fault divorce", the concept is none the less being practiced on a daily basis by our state's courts, and under a statute that was originally intended to be applied quite differently. 

That statute under which the no-fault concept of divorce is flourishing is Title 12, Section 1271 (now 43 O.S.); allowing Incompatibility as a valid ground for divorce. Following is a chronology, excerpted from West's Oklahoma Digest, of the inception, and subsequent liberalization of this law as well as statistical cites of relevance (Notes and italics added for emphasis): 

1953 - Incompatibility is not a ground for divorce in Oklahoma (Vincent v. Vincent) 
        Note: This case involved adultery for which there was no evidence. Incompatibility was ruled not ground in and of itself. 

1953 - The Oklahoma Legislature amended Title 12, Section 1271 to include Incompatibly as ground for divorce.  
        Note: Only New Mexico, Alaska and the Virgin Islands had statutory grounds of Incompatibility, although other jurisdictions recognized it without statutory provision. 

1954 - The Oklahoma Law Review, Feb. 1954 offers the following commentary: "In adopting this ground for divorce we have taken a step forward in recognizing divorce as a sociological problem. However, as a matter of wise public policy, good public morals, and for the welfare of the parties concerned, it seems that the court should grant an absolute divorce upon the petition of either party, only when the court is convinced that the parties can no longer live together in peace and harmony after a bone fide effort to do so. Without this precaution, we could certainly be approaching the domain of 'trial marriage'." 

1956-There must be some conduct creating incompatibility on part of the defendant to entitle plaintiff to divorce on such ground. (Chappell v. Chappell)

1961 -Statutory ground of incompatibility does not permit the court to dissolve a marriage merely because its termination is desired by one or both of the parties. (Hughes v. Hughes) 

1961 - When incompatibility results from misconduct of the complaining spouse, the trial court has broad discretion in weighing the possibilities of reconciliation and in granting a divorce decree. (Wegner v. Wegner) 

1969 - California becomes the first state to embrace "no-fault" divorce. This lit a wildfire of no-fault sympathy, so that currently every state offers no-fault divorce in some form. 

1971 - "Actionable Incompatibility" is determined to exist when there is such conflict in personalities as to destroy the legitimate ends of matrimony and possibility of reconciliation. (Kirkland v. Kirkland) 
        Note: It is no longer necessary to show misconduct causing incompatibility. This ruling liberalized the definition of incompatibility to such extent that it effectively brought no-fault divorce to the State of Oklahoma. 

1979 - Incompatibility as ground implies mutual, not unilateral fault. (Allen v. AIlen) 
        Note: Misconduct cannot be shown now, as the ground does not recognize unilateral fault. This is in direct contradiction to the 1956 ruling. Incompatibility by definition has now evolved into No-fault divorce. 

1991 - Oklahoma Women's Law Manual cites incompatibility as the most common ground for divorce in Oklahoma. 

1994 - State Rankings, 1994 - A Statistical View of the 50 United States cites U.S. Department of Health and Human Services statistic which ranks Oklahoma as #2 in the United States in divorce, with 7.7 per 1000 population. 

1995 - Kids Count Data Book 1995, published by the Annie E. Casey Foundation, cites the following statistics concerning the State of Oklahoma: 

   Percent of families headed by a single parent:  1985-20.4%           
                                                   1992-22.9% 

   Percent of children living in poverty :         1985-18.8%            
                                                   1992-21.8% 

   Juvenile (ages 1 0-17) Violent Crime Rate:      1985 -165 per 1 00,000 youth 
                                                   1992 -339 per 1 00,000 youth 

No-one is calling for the complete abolition of divorce, but rather a reform in the law so that this wholesale divorce factory in Oklahoma will be slowed and people will be called to responsibility again for their decisions and actions. The passage of House Bill 2554 will help turn the tide in the quest to abandon this ill-conceived concept of no-fault divorce, bringing the institution of marriage back to the place of honor that a fit society dictates. 

Thank You 




April 23, 1996 - Follow Up 


House Bill 2554, which was sponsored by Senator Howard Hendrick, R-Bethany, and Representative Ray Vaughn, R-Edmond, passed the House in March by a vote of 98-2, but was killed in the Senate Judiciary Committee by its Chairperson, Senator Bernice Shedrick, D-Stillwater, who refused to place the bill on the Judiciary Committee Agenda. See The Conservative Review April, 1996 -Page 6 column 4. 

The structure of the Oklahoma Legislature is such that a Committee Chairperson sometimes has the power to kill a bill assigned to his/her committee for consideration, which power can be overridden only by the Speaker of the House or the President Pro-Tempore of the Senate. 

Platform of the Republican Party of Oklahoma County, Feb. 24, 1996 Calls for the reform of Divorce laws in a way that will encourage maintaining family units. (See Section 4, Family and Individual Rights, Resolution 14, on page 7. 

The 1996 Oklahoma Republican Party Platform (Adopted April 13, 1996) Calls for "Fault' based ground be reinstated in the divorce court. (See page 2 of the 1996 Oklahoma Republican State Convention, Section entitled Family and Individual Rights, sub-section entitled Family Autonomy, resolution 6.) Actions have been taken in the legislatures of several states on the issue of divorce reform, and Oklahoma may not be far behind. The conservative senators and representatives will continue to introduce bills into the liberal-controlled state legislature until even they will no longer be able to withstand the call for Oklahoma to return the values of our forefathers. 

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Old Friends

One of the neatest things about the internet, and specifically Facebook is that you can renew acquaintance with old friends. I am “Facebook friends” with a number of people I probably would have never again seen or known about if not for this cool tool. I’m looking forward to spending a weekend in Branson and seeing my old friends Pete and Janice, with whom I had lost touch for years.

And just last weekend Stephanie and I were invited over to Scott’s home. Scott is a guy I worked with about 10 years ago. And another guest that night was David, another co-worker from that same job. Our conversations picked up as if the ten years had never happened. My scope of friends has again expanded and I am richer for it.


I was saddened to hear of this great loss. Dennis was a good man and a true friend.

But the other side of that equation is finding out about old friends that have passed. I learned from them of the death of Dennis, a man in Phoenix I used to do network installations for. You may have read my story about being given a field sobriety test in Phoenix back in 2000. The reason I was in Phoenix was to install a system for Dennis.

Dennis owned a software company and needed someone to install his product, so mutual business colleagues hooked us up. At that time I was going all over the country installing systems for another company, so it wasn’t any problem to do his jobs too. One of the more interesting jobs I did for him was in Salt Lake City. But the reason that job was interesting is because Dennis was a devout Mormon. We spent hours sitting in restaurants drinking coffee and enjoying conversations about our respective religions. Well, I drank coffee. His church frowned on the intake of caffeine so Dennis drank diet coke. He explained that it was like a small lie as opposed to a big lie. I never fully understood that one.

Dennis was an avid outdoorsman, and enjoyed off-roading in his jeep. In July 2004 Dennis and his son Shane were off-roading in the Coconino National Forest outside Flagstaff, and their jeep pitched into a roll near the top of a hill. It rolled 11 times and struck a grove of pine trees. Dennis was killed instantly and Shane died at the scene.

I was saddened to hear of this great loss. Dennis was a good man and a true friend. And religious beliefs aside, Dennis had shared with me of his relationship with Jesus Christ. I expect to see him again, over on the other side. He’ll probably be waiting to give me a ride in his shiny new heavenly jeep.

I know it’s belated, but I just heard. Goodbye Dennis.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

All Dogs Go To Heaven

Twice every other week averages out to once per week, doesn't it? That's how often I make the drive from Oklahoma City to Tulsa, and back again. That's because every other weekend Stephanie's son Jerry comes down to spend the weekend with us. I go get him on Friday evening, and I take him home on Sunday afternoon. Today was one of those Sunday afternoons.

When I was younger I wasn't so moved by the sight of an animal in distress. But as I've aged my heart has softened - tenderized if you will. Now, when I see something in the road ahead I breathe a quick prayer that I'm not about to witness what's left over from the unfortunate meeting of a vehicle with an animal. Such prayer was not answered this afternoon.
I had been watching for deer as I like to do on this drive when I spotted something on the side or the road ahead. It was smaller than a deer, and black. As the gap closed I recognized the form of a dog standing in the grass. Then I saw why. He was standing vigil over his buddy, a beautiful brown dog that had not made it across the highway.

My heart was saddened, as it always is when I see a dog dead on the road. But today the pain was doubled by the fact that a friend was left behind. Blackie just stood there, wondering what to do. I recalled a story told me once by the shuttle driver at a hotel, about a small dog that dragged his buddy's carcass out of the road, and I wondered if Blackie was going to do this.

An hour later my trip brought me by this location again. Of course, the brown dog was still there. The highway department will deal with him - hopefully before my next trip in two weeks. But Blackie was no longer standing over his pal. I gather he finally moved along, back to his homestead and hopefully to more buddies. Those rural homes usually have more than a couple of dogs around.

As soon as I got to the house I kissed my wife and loved on our dogs. If you have dogs do me a favor - before you go to bed tonight double check your gate. Especially if you live near a route that I drive.

I'll make you laugh in tomorrow's blog. Tonight I'm just too melancholy.

Monday, January 18, 2010

Measuring Time

People tend to measure their lives by events - glorious events…tragic events. Their conversation gives it away. “That was before the baby was born…” Or “back when dad was alive…”

I was in the Oklahoma City Bombing. Oh, I wasn’t inside the Murrah Building, although I once took the air traffic controller’s exam there. And I wasn’t in one of the surrounding buildings that were damaged. I was working about a mile and a half away, and our building was not damaged. But we heard the blast, and we felt the shock. I remember thinking that for the rest of my life I would remember events as “before the bombing” or “after the bombing”.

I went that day to give blood. I felt I had to do something. But the line to give blood was estimated to be 3 hours long, and I had obligations, and so I had to get back to the office. Fortunately none of my friends or family died that day, although many fine people did. The body count ended up being 168; 171 if you count the unborn babies, which I do. And a fine memorial stands in their memory.

If you follow the news you know that two men have been convicted for that horrible act, and a third was given a plea bargain for his testimony. One has been executed. One will spend the rest of his life in prison. The third is already back on the streets – albeit in the witness protection program. I will not honor them by mentioning their names here.

Since that horrific day we have seen the tragic events of 9/11 – a day by which the entire world measures time. And we’ve seen tornados and hurricanes, tsunamis and earthquakes - all events that changed time, and lives.

There is coming a day the whole world will rest under the reign of the King of Kings, and we will no longer measure time. Even so, come quickly!